Tegan
Tegan’s Birth Story
Sonny Otainui
Born 24.5.2022
7.53 am
9 pound 11 ounces (4.418kg)
58cm long
This will be Tegan and Henry’s first baby.
Tegan is one of my best friend’ Sheree’s daughters. Tegan had said to me for many years “Aunty Krista, one day when I have a baby will you come to Brisbane and be my doula?” I promised that if she gave me enough notice it would be an honour and I would definitely be there for her.
That wonderful day came when I received a phone call from Tegan, saying she had done a pregnancy test and was pregnant.
Here started the beginning of our journey to meet her precious little baby.
Tegan didn’t really know much about birth at the beginning of her pregnancy, but by the end of her pregnancy, she was well and truly all over every aspect of pregnancy, labour, birth and all her options. A doula in the making for sure!
This Birthing Goddess is fear free and embracing all that pregnancy and birth have to offer her – confident in knowing that her body is designed to do this. There is something inside of her that is brave and ready to work as hard as she needs to on her baby’s birth day.
Tegan’s loving partner Henry was just going to follow Tegan’s lead and wasn’t sure what labour and birth looked like. But what he did know was how to love and support Tegan, and that will be his strength that no one can replace.
Every birth story will be different, and no one will have the same experience. Tegan’s pregnancy would last 41 weeks and 5 days. She was about to be tested like never before.
Tegan’s mum, Sheree, and I travelled from Noosa to Brisbane to be close to Tegan and Henry in the days leading up to her birth.
All Tegan’s knowledge and the trust she has in herself, with Henry and I to support her to birth her baby, will truly benefit her in what is to become her birth story.
This is Tegan’s birth story as seen through my eyes xx
“Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.” – Elizabeth Stone
Tegan’s mum, Sheree, and I were chauffeur driven by Sheree’s wonderful husband, Robert, from Noosa to Brisbane on Friday the 20th of May to be close to Tegan and Henry in the days leading up to her birth.
Tegan’s waters had broken, and she was experiencing mild sensations. We wanted to be close by to emotionally support Tegan and be right there when she needed extra labour support. Tegan’s early labour went on for three days. Stopping and starting. Tegan’s Ob and the hospital were happy for her to wait if that’s what she wanted, as both she and her baby were happy and healthy. Tegan did ask her Ob if she was having a big baby as her stomach was so heavy. Her Ob explained that it was not possible to tell at this late stage. She assured Tegan that although she was petite, her pelvis was a good size and if she did have a bigger baby, she could birth him or her.
Tegan, Sheree, and I enjoyed biding our time, going out to lunch, and having our toenails done, while Tegan had sensations and of course talked about all that is to come.
Tegan dropped Sheree and me off to dinner, assuring us that she was fine to drive herself home.
My doula bag broke and Tegan packed all my tricks neatly and beautifully into my new bag that we bought when we were out and about. Aldi sells everything J
Patience and time were wearing thin. Labour was keeping Tegan awake at night and then fading off during the day. Tegan had considered that she may need to rethink her birth plan and agree to an induction that had been suggested as a plan moving forward if the baby hadn’t made his or her debut by the 23rdth of May. This saddened her, as it was not what she had ever wanted.
However, looking on the positive side, her body was ready and had begun the process, it just needed a little more time to get labour to progress further. We are keeping the faith.
Tegan continued with all her spinning babies’ exercises and worked on staying positive. I am so proud of you Tegan; you are navigating all these unknown waters with love in your heart and a belief in yourself that you can do this, whatever path you may need to take from here.
A long night of strong sensations that again taper off in the morning, have Tegan and Henry wondering what is going on. We tuck Tegan back into bed at 12 pm with her diffuser, dim lights, and her much-loved fur baby kitty cat “Bailey.” This brings back some stronger sensations for a while before they slow down again.
It has been a rollercoaster of emotions over the last 5 days. 40 weeks, 10 days and counting.
After a successful visit to Tegan’s Obstetrician, we are home. At 4.30 pm, we set the scene with the aromatherapy in the diffuser and begin the spinning babies’ lifts and tucks to help the baby engage. Tegan also performs circles and lunges on the birth ball. We surround her in a circle of fairy lights while Bailey watches on, probably thinking “this is entertaining.” Tegan’s sensations are about 10 minutes apart at this point.
At 7.45 pm we enjoy a roast dinner cooked by Henry and watch the final of the voice
After some acupressure for labour and positioning, looking at photos of cats and another round of spinning babies, Tegan’s sensations have moved to 5 minutes apart. As I whisper to baby, I can feel you wriggling around. “What are you up to in there, little one?”
Through the evening and into the night, Tegan’s sensations are building in intensity, and she is finding the tens machine is helping to manage the sensations.
Friday the 23rd of June has arrived and are waiting for a call from the hospital to give us the go-ahead to come in for an induction, yet we never receive the call. As the morning fades into the afternoon, all sensations have stopped. Tegan is feeling deflated and wondering why this is happening. I called the labour ward, only to be told they are very busy and essentially have no room for Tegan at this moment. We are then asked to come into the assessment clinic to have the baby monitored.
Murphy’s law. What happens when Henry, Tegan and I load ourselves into the car and decide to make our way to the hospital for an assessment? Labour decides to start up again. This is a positive sign. We are all happy.
We arrive at the hospital at 4 pm. Labour has continued to be around every 10 minutes. Tegan takes it all in her stride as she breathes calmly and slowly through each surge for around 2 hours in the public waiting area. Henry and I sit with her while we patiently wait for it to be our time to be called into the assessment clinic. Finally, we are called through to the assessment room. Baby seems excited but happy (as always), and sensations are still coming every 10 minutes and lasting a minute or more.
By the time we were admitted to the labour ward at 9 pm, Tegan is experiencing strong sensations every 4 minutes. We had a discussion about waiting before deciding about any type of medical intervention, as everything seemed to be happening smoothly and on its own. Our young midwife was happy for Tegan’s decision to wait for a few hours to see how labour progressed before accepting some help with the Syntocinon. However, shortly after this conversation, the young midwife was accompanied by a senior midwife who stressed how busy they were and warned us that if Tegan didn’t accept an induction she would need to go home and return in 6 hours. She was apologetic, but they simply didn’t have room for us to stay if we were not going forward with the induction. Tegan was upset, she believed that as soon as she got home, the sensations would stop once again. We looked toward option B: move to the postnatal ward, but only one of us could go with her. This didn’t feel ideal either. One slight reassurance was the fact that we could stay until they had a good trace of the baby. Because the baby is always excited and active - we had a good hour up our sleeve.
Initially, Tegan’s contractions slowed down. I explained that this was because she was feeling stressed about having to leave. All this negative talk had caused Tegan’s labour and birth hormones to retreat and her flight or fright hormones to rise.
We now start working on creating a relaxing and calm environment for Tegan with the help of the aromatherapy diffuser, fairy lights and soft music. Henry and I gently supported her, making her feel safe and relaxed again. This enabled Tegan to surrender her mind and connect with her body and her baby again. Her body responded beautifully as the sensations started getting closer. Our midwife concluded from the CTG that baby seemed a little dehydrated, so a saline drip was recommended. This gave us another hour. I told Tegan to ask for the gas before the hour was up, as that would give us more time. Henry piped up and said, “don’t worry Tegan, we are not going anywhere.” By the time the saline had been administered Tegan was in established labour and no one asked us to go home. I went to get myself and Henry a drink. I whispered to the midwife, “surely you won’t ask us to leave now...” She replied, “no, we won’t.”
Tegan laboured in upright positions, calmly breathing through the waves as Henry and I emotionally and physically supported her. One thing we do know for sure, is Tegan is surrounded by a calm bubble of love with Henry and I holding her sacred space, quietly interacting, and connecting, allowing Tegan to freely surrender her mind and her body to all labour and birth has to offer her tonight. I witness Tegan sail off into labour land. Her spirit is freely dancing in the clouds and her body is moving effortlessly and freely.
Tegan is unable to use the bath as she has made an informed decision to decline the routinely offered antibiotics for prolonged rupture of membranes. What she can take full advantage of is the shower. In the warmth of the shower, our birthing goddess continues her dance for around 1.5 hours. Henry holds the shower head to sweep over Tegan’s body as she labours on the shower floor over a peanut ball.
I massage her head and softly remind her how amazing she is doing.
We only see the midwife once in the next hour and a half as she comes in to listen to the baby and notices that we have flooded the room. Oh, dear.
Tegan is so far away from us, her mind has taken her somewhere else, somewhere safe. Tegan is in her birthing zone. This beautiful young woman embraces every one of those strong sensations and really focuses on her breath and relaxing her body, not fighting the intensity that is building steadily. I feel she knows these strong surges are not bigger than her, they belong to her and each one helps to bring her baby closer to being born. I share this with Henry as he is not familiar with labour or what it may look like. I can see a concerned look of worry on his face. Henry is so connected and loving towards Tegan, engaging, and doing such a marvellous job of being truly present for her, yet on the inside, he is battling with some anxious feelings. I look up to see a very pale Henry in the dim lights. He feels faint. We can safely leave Tegan for a minute to help Henry out of the shower. Wrap him in a towel as I can see he is cold and tired. Henry takes a few minutes to warm up and has an energy drink - feeling like he is ready to get back into supporting Tegan again. The emotions of witnessing your partner's labour can be overwhelming. Deciphering the difference in one’s brain between both supporting and recognizing your partner doesn’t need saving can be tough.
Tegan is experiencing a lot of pressure in her bottom and is ready to move from the shower to the bed. She would like to be checked as these sensations are very strong and frequent. Our birthing goddess has got this, but I feel her mind just needs some reassurance that she is heading towards the finish line.
As Tegan moves towards getting onto the bed, she has a new sensation that is painfully present in her back. I think to myself, this little monkey has turned into a posterior position as he or she has hit the pelvic floor. Our experienced midwife, Jenny, feels it’s just the baby moving down that is causing the pain. I hope she is right.
The exam - My goodness, look at you go Tegan…9.5cm dilated. Our educated birthing goddess asks, “can’t you flick that last bit of cervical lip away?” Our midwife unsuccessfully gives it a go, and Tegan had to work hard, but that’s a determined woman for you…And in true birthing goddess style, her body moved that last bit of cervix herself.
Tegan continues to connect to her breath, dig deep and draw on all her energy, bearing down with those urges and pushing with them. Tegan works so well at driving all her energy down for an hour and a half, trying all different positions. Exciting, we can see the top of her baby’s head.
“The work we do to release our babies into the world is full of intensity, of purpose of tightening’s and contracting.
We don’t know when it will end or how it will all unfold and yet we do it each time because we know what’s on the other side.”
-Monet Nicole Moutrie
Our midwife today has been so supportive and encouraging through this part of Tegan’s labour, her soft voice and encouraging words have been so helpful in keeping a positive and calm energy around Tegan. We are now, however, presented with a shift change and the senior Obstetrician and a new midwife come in. They are not as soft and gentle as our last midwife, Jenny. These two are much more business-like. Jenny informs the new team on how well Tegan has been pushing and updates them on her progress.
The Obstetrician asks permission to palpitate Tegan’s stomach and to perform an exam to see what position their baby is presenting. She shares that their baby is in a posterior position. This makes sense, as in the last hour, the back pain that hadn’t been there before had been excruciating to Tegan.
Our Obstetrician wants to see for herself how well Tegan is pushing. She is very impressed. She says, “would you like me to help you get this baby out?” Tegan is ready for some help. The Obstetrician discusses the ventouse, warning that if the ventouse isn’t successful, Tegan will need to go to the theatre for a caesarean. Honestly, hearing this was hard. I know my heart felt heavy at hearing her admit that this is the only option left if the ventouse isn’t successful. Tegan had surrendered every inch of herself to whatever labour had asked of her. Tegan’s heart is feeling heavy, also, hoping this wouldn’t be the path she needed to take, but the warrior inside of her knew she would embrace whatever she needed to do, to safely birth her baby.
"You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop and look fear in the face."
-Eleanor Roosevelt
Out of our safe bubble of love, forms for surgery must be signed and the risks of major surgery explained to Tegan. Tegan is taking in all this new information and continues to push with her strong sensations. Labour doesn’t stop and wait for formalities to be done.
I didn’t have long, but I worked on an acupressure point to encourage the baby to turn. Not knowing if it would help, but worth a try.
Our Obstetrician exclaimed, “Tegan you are pushing so, so well!”- Pushing with leg cramps and all. You are doing amazing. Our Obstetrician has full confidence in Tegan’s ability, and that together she can assist Tegan to birth this baby. Our Obstetrician wishes to try and turn the baby into an anterior position and thankfully baby was obliging and turned. She shared that she would only perform an episiotomy if she was confident their baby could be born vaginally. After one all-mighty effort, she performed the episiotomy.
Tegan is nothing short of amazing. I feel like I am holding my breath and so many emotions are filling my heart and my mind.
Slowly their baby’s head starts to emerge. Tegan naturally breathes and pants as she births the head of her baby.
This brings some joy back momentarily.
The look of concern on our obstetrician’s face tells us that we are not out of the woods just yet. This becomes apparent when we learn that the baby’s shoulders are tightly jammed in Tegan’s pelvis – This is called, shoulder dystocia.
"Life only demands the strength you possess." This beautiful young woman is about to dig deeper than she has ever had to do before. Tegan, in this moment, is her most vulnerable and her most powerful.
Personally, I was shaking inside as my doula hat was slipping away from my emotions, staying brave doesn’t mean being fearless. We all felt the fear creeping in like a dark wave as our eyes were witnessing the concern in the medical team’s faces of what was happening.
What was to come next was very traumatic and painful for Tegan.
Henry and I struggled to physically watch the medical team try to release their baby’s shoulders. Two minutes after their baby’s head is born, the rest of the baby is not coming out. We huddled over Tegan in a protective shield, and I prayed. I was no longer Tegan’s doula; I was someone that loved her and could not hold back my tears or my fears for Tegan and her baby.
“When you come to the edge of all the light you have and must take a step into the darkness of the unknown, believe that one of two things will happen. Either there will be something solid for you to stand on - or you will be taught how to fly.” -Patrick Overton
And my birthing goddess “you raised above it all and you flew.”
What was going through Tegan’s mind at this time would have most likely been survival mode. She was powerful, not because she wasn’t scared but because she went on strongly, despite the fear.
Just as our Obstetrician thought, she needed more support. With the help of our midwife, she was finally able to release Tegan and Henry’s baby’s shoulders using the “Mc Roberts Technique.” This is a very successful maneuver for dislodging babies with shoulder dystocia.
What were only mere minutes felt like so much longer - time stood still.
Our hot tears of fear are swirled together with tears of relief and joy as finally, Tegan’s and Henry’s baby makes his or her debut and is bought up immediately onto Tegan’s chest. Their beautiful baby is feeling a little stunned by his or her dramatic entrance, and so is his mummy. There is not a dry eye between us.
What I wasn’t aware of at the time was that Henry had lovingly and firmly taken Tegan’s hand as their baby was being lifted onto her chest, he whispered to her “honey, it’s a boy” Tegan will treasure this memory. As her dream was for both herself and Henry to reach down with their hands and help bring their baby into the world, then announce the gender. This wasn’t to be the outcome this time. What was created was a special moment between the two of them that Tegan will hold close to her heart forever, she is so grateful for this special moment between the two of them.
After an introduction and a cuddle, Baby Gage is taken over to the baby station for a check-over and some oxygen, administered by a lovely young male pediatric Doctor, who calls out in a cheery voice, “don’t you worry about your baby, he is just fine.” Thankfully, it didn’t take long for us to hear that wonderful reassuring cry. A midwife came over and announced that Tegan and Henry have a baby boy. “You have given birth to a toddler!” she exclaimed.
Thank goodness their new baby boy was doing just famously after his dramatic debut. His first breath truly took all ours away.
“Birth takes a woman’s deepest fears about herself and shows her that she is stronger than them.” – Unknown
An emotional reunion was to follow, where this new little family of three were able to properly enjoy some cuddles and kisses.
Tegan has a substantial third-degree tear from her birth. She is going to the theatre so that they can have a good look at her tear and stitch it up properly.
Henry held their baby and I stayed for a while with Henry until he was feeling happy and confident to stay with the midwife. I was able to capture some precious memories first memories on my camera to share with Tegan when she was feeling up to it. It wouldn’t be long now, and Henry would be able to take their baby up to Tegan in recovery where they would be reunited. Tegan and her much loved little boy who they named “Sonny” could now catch up on lots of skin-to-skin, breastfeeds and cuddles.
A parent’s love comes in its purest form. It is everlasting and unconditional
I can say that from here, this little family has thrived. The joy and love that Sonny has bought into his family’s lives were worth all the hard work and tears.
Tegan, I am in awe of your strength, your bravery, and your positive outlook, as you move forward as a new mummy with so much love in your heart. You have given space to mourn and accept the things you couldn’t change and celebrated all that went just as you had worked so hard to achieve in and through birth. You earned your birthing goddess crown today xx
Thank you, Tegan, and Henry, for asking me to be part of your birth story. I will be forever grateful that I was able to be there for you both on the day Sonny was born.
“The biggest surprise, which is also the best, is that I didn’t know I would love motherhood as much as I do.” – Deborah Norville