Carmen
Hello World
Introducing Zoe Olive Kinslow
Born on the 16/06/2021
“Giving birth and being born brings us into the essence of creation, where the human spirit is courageous and bold and the body, a miracle of wisdom”- Harriet Hartigan
I loved spending time with Carmen and, not to forget, their very affectionate little cat “Elsie.” Elsie particularly enjoyed being a part of all our catch ups.
Funny thought – I am starting to see a real trend on cats joining in on my prenatal catch ups with their owners J It makes me laugh as they definitely make their presence known.
This is Carmen’s and her loving husband, Rhys’s, first baby. They already knew that they would be welcoming a little girl into their family. It was an exciting time for this connected young couple - getting married and preparing for a new little baby all in a matter of months. Anyone that knows Carmen would agree with me that she is one very organised young woman. She was well prepared for both these special and momentous events that were about to embrace them - “memories to take their breath away.”
My role in all the excitement is to share my birth and postpartum knowledge, and to support Carmen and Rhys emotionally and physically during her pregnancy, labour, and birth. Ultimately, I am there to hold them up on the hard days and celebrate the small wins along the way, as they welcome the challenges and the joys of becoming new parents.
Carmen has a long, 18-year history of suffering with endometriosis. This is in addition to a previous back injury. As you can guess, Carmen is sadly overly familiar with excruciating pain, hospitals, and medical procedures. This little baby is a true gift. Carmen was due for something to go right. Carmen knew she would feel significantly more at ease and confident when the time came to welcome her daughter into the world, especially if she had her own birth team around her. Carmen’s birth team consisted of Rhys, myself and her long time Obstetrician.
I feel Carmen’s biggest fear going into labour was the possibility of her endometriosis and scaring from surgeries impacting the pain of labour. Everything about how our births unfold is a mystery that we will not know the answers to, until it happens.
Carmen has been religious in taking care of her body and her health during this pregnancy. She had also engaged in the spinning babies techniques to find comfort in pregnancy and encourage her baby into an optimal position for birth. Carmen knows she will be well supported and listened to in labour by all her care providers. As Carmen is working towards a physiological unmedicated birth, she is aware of all the non-medical comfort measures we can offer to keep her comfortable. If the situation arises where the pain moves into suffering, we will not hesitate to look for medical assistance for pain management.
Our bodies can withstand almost anything, it’s our minds we must convince.
Carmen and I joked before her birth that as this little baby had been so perfect through pregnancy, that maybe Carmen could go into labour in the morning, birth by lunch time and no one would miss a sleep cycle - “Happy days for us all!”
Birth day
I am excited at the thought of Carmen’s birth. I didn’t have to wait long at 39 weeks to the day (baby Kinslow must have been taking notes). I received a text message at 5am on the 16th of June giving me the heads up that Carmen had awoken at 3am with her waters breaking. Carmen sent me a tracking of her contractions. I looked at it and thought, ‘that can’t be right.’ I had to sit up in bed, turn on the lights and put my glasses on to make sure I was reading the correct information. Carmen’s contractions were coming close together anywhere from 2 -5 min apart and lasting for 60 seconds. There didn’t seem to be any slow build up coming here. After I spoke to her on the phone, it was agreed that she would have a shower, put on her tens machine, and have something to eat. We spoke again at 7am and I could tell by her breathing that the surges were getting stronger.
8am – Carmen and Rhys called the LGH, to which they asked her to come in and have the baby monitored. After that, she would be able to return home. I had been about to jump in the car and go to their home to meet them when they returned, yet, once I hung up, this little voice inside my head said, ‘No, I think you should join them.’ My intuition was guiding me towards the promise that my birthing goddess would not be leaving the LGH until she had her baby in her arms.
We meet at the LGH; we have a bit of a walk to get to the front entrance, which isn’t fun when you’re having surges every two minutes or less. Carmen even missed out on her avocado toast that she was so looking forward to. Thankfully, a wheelchair at the entrance enables Rhys to give Carmen a swifter entrance up to labour ward.
8.44am - We are in labour ward. It is lovely for both Carmen and Rhys to be assigned a midwife that is also a friend to them both. I feel Carmen will find peace in knowing that everyone surrounding her today is familiar.
I quickly hang up the fairy lights and put clary sage in the diffuser. Honestly, I don’t think Carmen notices, as my birthing goddess is concentrating on the surges and breathing beautifully through the strong waves that are engulfing her whole body every two minutes. We heat up the heat pack to tie around her back. Rhys and I emotionally support her as she strives so hard to keep up with the intensity of her surges. Carmen requests no music, and I feel this decision is based on her desire to direct all her focus on the job at hand.
9.11am - Carmen’s Obstetrician quietly enters the room to say hello and check how Carmen is going. She is very impressed with how she is progressing. These waves are coming 1 minute apart now.
9.23am - Carmen is laying on her left side with a pillow between her legs. Rhys and I are supporting her with words of encouragement, along with offerings of water.
9.23am - Carmen’s breathing changes through her surges as we can hear she is bearing down with them. She can feel a lot of pressure in her bottom. Baby is doing beautifully and very happy. Our obstetrician has a little peek and senses that this baby may be ready to make an appearance. If Carmen wants to bear down with these urges, she should follow her body’s lead.
9.47am - Carmen is up on all fours over the bed. We are offering her iced water, squirm jubes and cold cloths for her head. The ability to bring a baby into the world is hot, hard and heavy work.
10.17am - Our Obstetrician asks permission to examine Carmen. She feels we should be able to see a bit of baby’s head by now. We discover that Baby is in a perfect position and is very happy. Unfortunately, there is still a bit of cervix to move out of the way before baby can fully descend. As challenging as this is going to be, Carmen is advised to try to resist the urge to push with her body for now. Carmen will dig deep inside herself, deeper than she may be accustomed to, in order to find her inner strength. This will get her through the challenge that has presented itself to her in this moment.
“Believe that it can happen for you. Even when you don’t know how it will happen.”
When Carmen reflects on her birth experience, she is going to be so proud of all she was able to achieve in and through birth. Carmen reached deep inside her soul to find the strength to be brave and to tap into her own birth power. Carmen’s birth is unfolding in such a raw, natural, yet intense way. All we can do is hold space, encourage, and surround Carmen with calmness and love. This is her right of passage: “In giving birth to our babies, we may find that we birth to new possibilities within ourselves.” – Myla & John Kabat-Zinn
10.30am - Our Obstetrician acknowledges that it is disheartening and cruel to have to stop pushing and continue to resist the urges. The pressure in Carmen’s bottom is intense, as are the surges. She is back on her side with a peanut ball in between her legs to open her pelvis. She is also now trying to use the gas to help keep her focussed and to control her breath through each surge. We continue to offer heat packs, water, snacks, and words of encouragement. I also rub and chugg Carmen’s legs with essential clary sage to help relax her pelvic floor muscles. After this, I gently caress her forehead, which is a comfort measure Carmen’s mum performs on her after painful surgeries. Carmen is doing it all herself. Women’s bodies are amazing – Carmen, you are amazing.
11.22am - A second exam shows that progress is heading in the right direction. There is still a small amount of cervix in the way. Carmen has been amazing, especially since it is so very challenging to be prevented from pushing with your bodies urges. My hand and fingernails become a good tool for Carmen to squeeze, alternating between holding Rhys’s hand, and the metal bar. She continues with sheer determination not to push. Our Ob tries to move her last bit of cervix out of the way with the next surge unsuccessfully. The force of Carmen’s surges makes it impossible for her to get off the bed to help gravity push the last bit of cervix out of the way.
It is at this time that Carmen hits the crossroads and is feeling a crisis of confidence in her ability to continue without pain relief. With every strong surge she starts saying “No,” followed by, “I can’t do it anymore.” I whisper, “but you are doing it Carmen.”
“The temptation to quit will be greatest just before you are about to succeed.”
Carmen asks for an epidural. Our Ob says she will organise one. We smile at each other as she shares that by the time he gets here, Carmen will be ready to have her baby. For now, it gives Carmen some peace.
“The skill of being with women in pain in labour often rests in believing in women when they do not believe in themselves.” – Nicky Leaf
11.47am - Just before the anesthetist knocks on our door, it is confirmed our birthing goddess is 10cm dilated and she can bear down with those surges as much as she wants. His services won’t be needed here today. I feel so elated and emotional. All Carmen’s hard work has paid off. This is what we came here to do. I whisper, “go collect the soul of your baby Carmen, and bring her earthside.”
No more crisis of confidence, no more ‘I can’t do this any longer.’ We have our determined birthing goddess back and ready to birth her baby.
12.37pm - Carmen uses every ounce of strength she has, as her adrenalin peaks at the perfect time, along with the added doses of determination and love in her heart. She once again trusts in her ability to birth her baby, breaking blood vessels in her face as she bears down with all her might. Water and cold towels are offered to help keep Carmen cool, calm and as collected as humanly possible - Hard when you happen to have a baby’s head stretching your perineum like never before J
“Just as a woman’s heart knows how and when to pump, her lungs to inhale, and her hand to pull back from fire, so she knows when and how to give birth.” - Virginia Diiorio.
At exactly 12.37pm, little miss Zoe Olive Kinslow makes her all-at-once spectacular debut up and into the waiting and loving arms of her mummy. “Oh, that feels good,” she sighs, as her baby leaves her body. 39 weeks of waiting to fall in love for a lifetime. We all have the biggest smiles on our faces.
To witness the birth of a child is our best opportunity to experience the meaning of the word ‘miracle.’
Not long after this joyous moment, Carmen births her placenta. Again, she says, “that feels good.”
Carmen Face-Times her mum minutes after her birth to share the joy of baby Zoe’s arrival. As she starts talking, a raw pain engulfs Carmen, and she needs to cut her call to her mum short. Unfortunately, a postpartum hemorrhage is to follow. A shot of Syntocinon gets the bleed under control, however Carmen ends up losing 2 liters of blood. Continuous pain in her abdomen has our Ob concerned enough to take her to theatre and determine what is causing the pain. It was found that her uterus had stopped contracting and couldn’t expel some blood clots. Thankfully, it was all sorted and Carmen was sent to recovery. Her blood pressure was low, and she did need to stay in recovery all afternoon and was sadly separated from Rhys and her baby.
In this time, I stayed to support Rhys and baby Zoe. Rhys was able to spend some special skin to skin time with Zoe and enjoy lots of cuddles. Carmen had expressed colostrum at the end of her pregnancy. This came in handy as Zoe was able to enjoy two feeds that enabled her to feel very happy and content until she was reunited with her mummy.
5.30pm - Finally, this beautiful little family of three were all together and they could pick up where they left off and share in the joy of baby Zoe.
Thank you so much Carmen ad Rhys for inviting me into your lives to share in your special birth story. Carmen birthed her baby like a true star. In reflection of these moments, I hope Carmen will focus and feel so proud of all she was able to achieve in and through birth. Her birth story can be a source of inspiration to other women.
We do need to leave space to honour the shadow of the postpartum bleed and the trip to theatre, but we will not let it overshadow the rainbow that was Carmen’s empowering birth story xxx