Liana
Hello World
Introducing Camilla Valentine Youl
Born on the 27/11/2020
It takes becoming a mother to realise how much one little miracle can fill a place in your heart that you never knew was empty. Babies open a world of wonder and adventure, reminding us to appreciate the small things in life and enjoy every moment. A baby will hold your hand for a while but hold your heart for a lifetime.
Liana and I already had a connection before I became her doula. We knew each other through our friend Sharon. When Liana asked me if I would be a part of her birth team, I was excited. Liana and her husband Cros were already the parents of two very sweet and energetic little boys, Sebastian and Louis. There was much excitement surrounding the arrival of a new little sibling. There was a sparkle in all their eyes as the last baby was going to be a little girl (“Baby Girl” as she was fondly called).
Liana and Cros had previously experienced frightful trauma with the birth of their second child, Louis. A labour that ended in an emergency cesarean as both the lives of Liana and her unborn baby sat in the balance. An experience that left a dark shadow of birth trauma and postnatal depression that was to follow. For anyone that understands birth trauma and postnatal depression - its isolating, devastating and never lives far from the surface of your soul.
After choosing to add one last child to their family, Liana knew she needed extra emotional support if she was to gift herself hope to enable her to have faith and trust that this birth would unfold differently.
Liana had looked to me to help her achieve a healing birth for her last child, through emotional, physical, and educational support. I was to be her guide, sounding board and friend. Liana was planning for a vaginal birth again as that was what her heart was aching for, to fully help her make peace and heal. At the time, I wished I had a magical fairy wand that could have granted Liana what her heart was reaching for, yet, we don’t have those kinds of magical powers and maybe it is for good reason. Just maybe, the light may trickle through in ways she didn’t imagine was possible. Maybe Liana will find peace and beauty in ways she has yet to experience. I feel love will whisper in her ear the ache in her heart will find its peace in new and unimaginable ways.
Birth takes a women’s strongest fears about herself and shows her that she is stronger than them.
Liana and Cros also had their private Obstetrician who had supported them through Lianas two previous pregnancies and births. He was very well versed in the importance of Liana wanting to achieve a positive and empowering birth for this last baby.
We set on our positive birth experience planning. Liana had been diagnosed with gestational diabetes and her Obstetrician did measure her at 39 weeks at 36 weeks. The big baby card was thrown around a lot. Liana was well informed surrounding the evidence on babies’ sizes and didn’t feel that that alone was a reason to induce her baby any sooner than her baby was ready. I was able to accompany Liana to a couple of her Ob appointments, so we had lots of open ended and informed discussions with her OB. Essentially, Liana knew how she wanted to proceed, and her OB’s job was to safely support her in making her own informed decisions surrounding her care. Liana needed to keep her birth power. It belonged to her.
A cold and thank fully negative COVID test were a bit of a setback in trying to feel fit and healthy as baby girl’s birthday was getting closer.
Liana experienced lots of pressure in her pelvis intermittent tightenings and Braxton hicks leading up to her birth. Spicy food, Osteopath, acupuncture appointments, lots of walking (trying to run at full term [eek!]) spinning babies and listening to lots of positive birth podcasts all helped prepare Liana for however her birth may unfold. She even had the thought of trying castor oil in the hopes she could avoid an induction.
Liana’s last two babies were spontaneous labours at 36 and 38 weeks. This time, we are heading towards 40 weeks and this little girl keeps us guessing. Liana’s OB feels confident that her natural gestational period is earlier than 40 weeks.
Liana talked to her baby on one of their last walks to let her know she was eager to meet her, that she could make her way whenever she was ready, that they were a team, and we can do this together. She reminded her daughter to lower her head into mummy’s pelvis and stay there xx
Children … not always the best at following instructions! Sometimes they make the rules.
Liana makes an informed decision to meet her OB at the LGH on 14th of November to see if her baby may be ready to make her debut. We all excitedly meet in the foyer that morning ready for whatever the day may present.
Liana has all these beautiful inspirational quotes written on her monitor straps.
We are in good spirits. Feeling calm and ready for Baby Girl to give us a sign she is ready, too. However, Baby Youl has other ideas, bouncing out of Lianas pelvis every time the OB tickles her head. Liana’s OB feels it isn’t safe to break her waters when her head isn’t engaged. He is concerned about baby’s size if she continues with her pregnancy. He also has a compassionate heart in knowing Liana wants a vaginal birth. It is agreed we go home and wait.
We are all more than ready. I’m praying she knows we are crossing our fingers, our toes and our hearts in the hope Baby Girl is ready to meet us soon. Liana is presenting all the signs that her body is ready to birth her baby.
Little Louis celebrated his 4th birthday on the 20th of November. Louis also had a special original little song he played on his guitar aptly called “Come out baby girl”
Stay calm, stay determined, stay focused and most of all trust in your own ability. And Love will conquer all.
Wednesday the 25th, we make our way back to the LGH for the second time. Baby is still floating and not engaged so its back home to bumpy rides, spinning babies and thoughts of castor oil.
Liana is still having lots of waves and pressure. Her OB says honestly that he doesn’t have a crystal ball to determine whether Liana will go into spontaneous labour by our next visit or not. He really is invested in Liana achieving the birth she wants, but he is also looking at his duty of care and making risk assessments.
Gosh. I don’t think I have cried so frequently as I did on the lead up and on the day, Camilla finally did make her debut. The road to birth can be an emotional rollercoaster. It draws on your heart strings and plays so many tunes. Birth does affect all who are invested in the happiness and wellbeing of both the mother and her baby. As Liana’s doula, my role is to stand by her side, to hold space and support her to embrace all that birth has to offer. To guide and care for her however her birth unfolds. And that is exactly what I am going to continue to do.
Birth Day
On the 27th of November, 40 weeks to the day, us three amigos make our way for the final time up to labour ward. We don’t know what today is going to bring, yet, what we do know is that Cros and I will be by Lianas side, totally focussed and tuned in to supporting her physical and emotional needs. With guidance from Liana’s Obstetrician, we will trust that collaboratively we can deal with whatever comes our way today.
With the saddest of eyes, Lianas OB shares that baby is still not engaged. He shares information with us that for a few reasons there is little to no chance she will engage into Liana’s pelvis. His professional recommendation is that the safest way forward would be a cesarean section. I can see it pains him to be the bearer of news that has the potential to break Lianas hopes for a vaginal birth. There is no rush. Liana can go home and come back in a few more days if she needs time to just breathe and take it all in. In a desperate last effort Liana asks him if it’s an option to just break her waters anyway and see what happens? Maybe if the amniotic fluid is released from the top of her baby’s head, she will drop down into Lianas Pelvis. He regrettably advises that the risk of her baby turning breech, or a cord prolapse is too high. His words “As a medical practitioner my Hippocratic oath is - to first do no harm”
Her Obstetrician leaves us alone. Together us three amigos discuss all Lianas feelings and help her decide on how she would like to move forward with the information that we now have. We use the BRAIN theory as part of our informed decision-making process. Liana and I both shed some tears, she shares her feelings around her options and Cros shares his love and words of wisdom on how he is feeling, and how they both came here this morning hoping that today was the day they were to meet their baby daughter.
He also expresses that he will support Liana in whatever decision she decides. Cros is ready to meet his daughter today.
Liana and Cros are both ready to meet their baby girl – Liana feels joy and happiness in knowing she will soon meet their little girl, and a heavy heart that she will relinquish her hopes for a vaginal birth and now consent to a cesarean. All the cards seem to stack up to reflect that this will be the safest option for their baby.
Liana takes a moment to connect with her baby “Mummy loves you and very soon you will safely be welcomed up into mummy’s arms.”
Liana is about to embark on a journey that will see her momentarily feel like she is letting go of her dream. I can see her heart is aching for the birth she had envisioned. Again, our tears flow. Though as she is grieving for what may have been, I gently offer words of love over the beautiful calm and supported cesarean birth that will now unfold. Liana can direct her energy on what she can control and not what she can’t. I share with Liana how brave and proud of her I am. That motherhood is a selfless act of love. That as parents, we will sacrifice absolutely everything to ensure the safety of our children. I tell her that she will never have any regrets in knowing that in giving up her dream she was gifting her baby the safest entry into the world, and that she should leave a place to honour that its perfectly normal to feel disheartened.
This act of pure love begins way before our precious children are ever earthside. Just maybe, Liana’s heart is searching for a positive and caring cesarean birth to make peace with the past. Her story is not going to look as she originally imagined. But one thing we know for sure, the moment Liana meets her baby for the first time, will be memorable for all the wonderful and right reasons.
Liana did have a dream of a vaginal birth. But maybe it won’t be as important one day which part of her body the magic happened. What will, in the end, give her the most peace and joy is a happy, healthy, non-traumatised mother and beautiful, healthy baby.
With support, faith, love, trust, and little bit of doula fairy dust we make our way to Theatre. She has absolute confidence in her Obstetrician. Every moment here in theatre is a moment closer until Liana and Cros meet their baby. Liana now focuses on keeping calm and breathing deeply, knowing she is surrounded by our love. Her Obstetricians skillful and guiding hands gently lift this much-loved baby girl out of her mother’s womb and into the world.
Miss Camilla did do exactly as the Obstetricians predicted. As soon as the waters were released, she started to flip breech. She had to be guided back with the forceps. Camilla was making her debut spectacular and uniquely her way. Happy tears flow this time as our hearts melt away as we play witness to the miracle of birth.
Welcome to the world precious baby girl.
“How do you spell love? you don’t spell it. You feel it.” Winnie the Pooh
“In giving birth to our babies, we may find we give birth to new possibilities within ourselves.”-Myla & Jon Kabat-Zinn
Liana had all her cesarean wishes honoured including delayed cord clamping and skin to skin as soon as the cord had stopped pulsing. Camilla was 9pound 6ounces, though she looked very petite. I think all her weight was well distributed through 54cm of length. Camilla has long legs. She may be tall and take after her Daddy. We all admire, smile and swoon over this beautiful little baby girl.
When our births take a different turn than we had imagined, its more than ok to feel disappointment, pain, and grief for what you have let go of.
Birth as we know rarely goes to plan. By embracing our vulnerability, we purpose to find our inner strength as well as help us ask for support of others to help us birth from our best selves.
As Liana reflects on her birth story in the hours, days, weeks, months, and years to come, I pray she will feel nothing but love and pride for all she was able to achieve in her pursuit for a positive birth experience. Finding comfort in knowing that this birth was special and sacred. Because life is no less wholly when a baby is born from your womb, and you are no less of a mother for birthing your baby through your belly. Birth is birth, and how amazing and life changing is it? no matter how it happens.
With love in her heart, she collected the soul of Camilla Valentine and gave her the gift of Life xxxxx It doesn’t get much more beautiful than that xxxxx and my tears flow again.
Thank you, Liana, Cros, Sebastian and Louis for inviting me into your home and your lives to share in the birth of Camilla Valentine. I have special memories of our times together that will continue to make me smile and cry whenever I take a walk down memory lane. I look forward to making more happy memories with you all in the future.
Love Krista xxxx